Peter Cheney caught up with Sarah Fretwell, Children and Families Officer in Mount Merrion Church East Belfast. Sarah has run the pilot of the KidsMatter programme for us – take some time to hear her thoughts on the programme and how it has impacted her ministry, what it involves and how it has helped families in the community who need more support.

How has KidsMatter worked in your parish?

It started off with an invitation to parents who attended our mums and tots group. Initially, they were invited to a taster session to see if they were interested. All of the families were really welcomed and after that, if they were interested, they began a six-week programme that covered lots of topics on how to love our children well and how to build good relationships with our children.

As part of the programme, we had a team of volunteers who looked after the children as the group session was going on, and this was an important way of encouraging parents to come along, as it meant they did not have to find childcare elsewhere. We introduced the programme in the hope that the parents would build a strong relationship with one another – so that when the programme ended after the six weeks, we would have a team of parents who were at the end of a telephone for each other.

We also set up a WhatsApp group at the very start of the six weeks so that I could encourage the parents and they could encourage one another. This platform of communication was also good for sharing ideas amongst parents.

After the six weeks, we took a break for a couple of months and then did another session. We did this to give the parents an opportunity to reconnect and to share how things had been going for them. At the end of their time with us, we went and spent some time socially together, as a way of continuing to build friendships with each other.

What has each session looked like?

Each session lasts between an hour and a half and two hours – during this time we stopped for some refreshments. Our heart was that those who came to this would feel safe, welcome, and relaxed, therefore we created an environment where parents felt they could be themselves and feel confident to share and add to the group discussions. It was more like a conversation and asking questions of one another, which seemed to work well.

The sessions are based around a table; this setup has worked well for us and by gathering around a table, it has created a warm, open space, and it has been significant for the group to meet in this way.

And who has taken part?

We have had six parents in the group, a mixture of mums and dads, which has been great. Some mums and dads took part together, which has been lovely to see as we learn about each other and how we parent. Everyone has a different insight into parenting, so over the weeks of the programme, a lot of people have become incredibly open and willing to give some good and creative ideas.

Eight parents are the maximum, with a facilitator and helpers to look after children who come along as well. The group helper and facilitators are parents themselves. I have a little boy who is two years old and I have learned so much from this programme and so much from the other parents.

What difference do you feel it has made?

I feel that it has encouraged a lot of the parents with their own parenting. In one session, one of the questions was ‘When was the last time you were encouraged?’ and it was surprising that a lot of parents said that they had not been encouraged in years. Since encouragement has been one of the

big topics, we recognise that all of us need to be encouraged, not just children, but adults too. Encouragement helps us to keep moving forward, and so, we endeavoured to make sure that this became part of how we did things.

Our parents also really took on ownership of the group. At the start, I would have provided lots of snacks and asked what they would like, but the parents wanted to have a bit of ownership towards that, so each of them had a responsibility to bring something each week – which they loved to do and they felt as though they were part of a community, which was really important.

What makes KidsMatter easy to run as a programme?

All of the material is easy to follow and well thought through. There are loads of illustrations and helpful tips; it’s easy to navigate and all the extra support that KidsMatter offers is brilliant.

I have a support coach and a Zoom call every month, and we go through our programme and if there is any extra support that I need to run it, they are always willing to offer assistance. Everyone who runs the group is given a week’s training on Zoom – it’s intensive and involves helpful opportunities to have a go at running a programme through role play. The parents are also given a lot of material to take away each week.

Why did Mount Merrion decide to go for the programme?

We were developing great relationships with parents in our mums and tots group, but we realised that there was not a lot of time to get into deeper conversations. So, when we heard about KidsMatter, this was a perfect opportunity to provide a group for parents to talk openly about how things were going, to provide an opportunity for parents to have space to reflect and think, and importantly to provide a safe space for their kids to play.

This has allowed the parents to build good relationships with not only us in the local church but also other parents, and they have now come away with a couple of extra friendships where they can go and receive support.

The Revd Lucy Burden remarked on how delighted they were as a church to have been selected to pilot this programme: “Sarah and her team have done a fantastic job gathering parents and encouraging them. This programme has been a great relationship builder between the church and the community, and for that, we are very thankful and look forward to running the next one.”

How to find out more

The Board for Ministry with Children and Families is delighted to partner with KidsMatter to bring its parenting programme to our parishes. With thanks to the Priorities Fund, the Board can enable 11 parishes (one from each diocese) to access KidsMatter facilitator training and support, so that they can run the programme for families in their local community.

For further information, you can view the video on our website at: https://cfm.ireland.anglican.org/kidsmatter

If you feel that this programme would be of particular benefit to your parish, then we ask you to email Rachael Murphy, our Children and Families Development Officer, at cfm@ireland.anglican.org or complete the expression of interest form which can be accessed here: https://form.jotform.com/231853196492060

Download the full pack by clicking any image above. 

If you are based in a rural parish, chances are you have some fantastic farming families in your congregation. Whilst we celebrate their hard work in our Harvest Festivals we wanted to find a way to engage all our children and help them see God in the farm’s everyday life no matter the time of year.

Whether it’s tractors, sheep, beef or tillage each session brings God’s word to life through games, discussions, crafts and food.

These sessions can be used in Sunday Clubs, Intergenerational Church Services, School lessons or Holiday Clubs – however you wish!

There’s Stock Judging, Machine Making and even Bull Building!

CIYD have created this amazing resource to help you engage families in the Climate Justice conversation. It’s packed with games, crafts, groups discussions and videos as well as loads of fascinating information. Free to download – simply click on the picture above.

Click any of the images to download the pack or click the video image below to go to the video download page.

If your families are fed up with Elf on the Shelf and all that it brings, why not encourage them to take up an advent reading plan as a whole family using the Bible Buddy reading plan.

The aim is to encourage families to read the Bible together, or older children to read it for themselves. In this pack, the sections of the Bible telling the story of Jesus’ birth are printed out along with a page where the children (and adults) can draw or write their thoughts as they listen.

It is not a comprehension test, it is a way for Children to express their reactions questions and feelings when reading the Bible. It is to encourage families to “wonder” and journey together, to learn from each other.

If they already have a Bible reading buddy they can use the plan throughout Advent, each week reading and chatting about the passages that tell us about Zachariah & Elizabeth, Mary, Joseph, The Shepherds and the Wise men.

If you haven’t had a Bible Buddy adoption day in your church then this is a great time to do it. You could use it as part of an All Age Service, as part of your Christmas Party or any other Advent / Christmas event you are having.

To organise an adoption drive:

Firstly buy your buddies! You can pick up a range of small teddies such as the small TY beanieboos or similar, even dinosaurs or action figures – whatever you think the children would like as their buddy.

Then using the posters below you can invite the families to an adoption drive. Each child gets to choose their Bible Buddy and receives a certificate of adoption, a care instruction pack and the Bible reading plan. You can hold an event where all the families are mixing and chatting together encourage that sense of community, or hold the adoption event at the end of a family service.

There is also a wonderful short free video made by Go Chatter called “Wrapping Paper” which could be played during the all age service or event which focuses on a teddy who is chosen despite his flaws and the video relates this to how God chooses, loves and restores us.

This resource has been prepared in such a way that it may be used as an all-age service in a parish context, in a school setting, or with a Sunday School or Sunday Club. Through the use of Psalms and a series of short Scripture readings, the service moves through themes of lament and hope, concluding with an act of renewal and commitment. It is intended to help create space for the whole Church to acknowledge the losses that everyone within our communities, including children, have endured over the past months. Suggestions for creative and experiential prayer around the themes of lament, hope, and renewal are included, and may be adapted as needed to suit particular local contexts.

Lydia Monds, a member of the LAC children’s sub-group and co-ordinator of the Children’s Ministry Network, writes: “There can be a perception that the children are fine, they are shielded, they don’t understand much, it’s over their heads. Of course, some children have flourished during lockdown and many have shown incredible resilience, but there have been losses, hardships, struggles and grief that have at times defied words. The strap line from Barnardo’s speaks volumes when it says: ‘Childhood lasts a lifetime’.  This time of dedicated prayer is a recognition that children have been affected and, in some instances, have been the most affected by the pandemic. As people of faith, we recognise their need to lament.

“Taking time to listen to children and their experiences is not to suggest that the experiences of adults are less important; it is a statement that as a worshipping community, we will make space for all voices to be heard and for people of all ages to belong. By listening, we are modelling a God who listens to us and who heals us in our hearts and in community.”

Bible Society Lent & Easter

‘The Seriously surprising Adventure Trail’ is a tried and tested trail that comes with 11 points to pause and learn more about the Easter story.

You can place the 11 points (each an A4 sheet) around your church grounds like signposts or in a designated area in a park OR families can put them around their homes.

Each group of participants recieves a map of Jerusalem to Emmaus which is their answer sheet and they fill in answers to simple questions as they journey on the road to Emmaus together.

There are additional resources too – colouring in sheets, video stories, an Easter Resurrection poem and loads of family activities to try.  It’s an excellent trail if you’ve never run a trail in your parish before and you could always provide the weary travellers with some tasty treats once they have completed the 11 stations and filled in their answer sheets.

Muddy Church

Muddy Church Lent and Easter Resources are here!  Check out this stunning Easter trail.

You can do this as a trail that you set up in the parish grounds, or, with permission, in a public space where people take walks and invite people to partake in their pods and bubbles.  Alternatively, you can team up with your family, your parish or your ministry team and commit to going out once a week or each day in Holy Week with onea different trail prompt each day and reflect anew on the Easter story.

Flamecreativeblogspot has a really simple Trail for the littlest to do Easter Story Easter Egg Hunt

LEGO CHALLENGES

Share the story (and a little competition!) throughout Holy Week as families are challenged to read the Bible story and build a lego reconstruction of the scene.

Families can send photos of the creations to be used in an online service OR you can log on for a short zoom each day, read the Bible story together, do a short, inclusive challenge and then let them begin their build.  They can bring the finished work to the zoom the next day.

Here you will find a template with instructions, Bible readings and challenges for each day, both in adapted and original format.  We’ve also added a parish Facebook page, which is a great place for uploading daily challenges, and some extra resources such as 30 day challenges for the extreme enthusiasts and some excellent lego animations.

• Holy Week Lego Easter Challenge | Children’s Ministry (anglican.org)
• Easter Story Brick Challenge  Original  Easter Story Brick Challenge – Proverbial Homemaker

• Kilternan Parish Church of Ireland | Facebook2020

• New Resource: LEGO Lent Challenge | Facebookby Naomi Elliott – 30 days starting 15th March

• Lego Extra Resources: 30 day Lego Church Challenge (anglican.org)

• Lego Easter Animation: (254) Lego Easter Story (Jesus’ Death & Resurrection) – YouTube

SELF CARE

Love yourself through Lent – In a really challenging season why not focus on self-care this Lent?  Here are 40 self-care ideas to choose from.  Do this just for you, or join with other leaders or other parents to encourage one another to intentionally self-care throughout Lent.

Similarly, Muddy Church has a 40 moments for 40 days self care sheet.   You can find the PDF here.

Here’s what Muddy Church founder Lucie says about the resource:

Like many of us, the children’s and family coordinator for Holy Trinity Rathmines, Zoe Hill, moved online when the Pandemic hit.  She faithfully posted online sessions week in and week out but found the lack of contact frustrating – were people connecting in, were they finding the content and the resources useful?  Were they engaging with them?

As time went on Zoe shifted her focus.  She knew the content was important, but she also knew that her families were in survival mode and that more than ever they needed to experience the Love of God rather than learn about it.  As Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the Gospel.  If necessary, use words.”

She set up a parent staffroom on Fridays at lunchtime for any parent who wanted a chat after a week of homeschooling.  There was no prep, just presence.

She wrote every family a letter that contained some chocolate and got more responses to that than to any video she had painstakingly prepared, recorded, edited and uploaded.

She put together library bags for families on different Bible themes that she could drop on the doorstep of their house and she would stay to chat at the end of their driveway if restrictions permitted.

She ran a Raising Faith course for parents who wanted to inspire faith in their children but needed the confidence to get started.  https://www.careforthefamily.org.uk/faith-in-the-family/support-for-parents/raising-faith-resources/raising-faith-media-2   Again, she noticed it was more important to make sure there was time for parents to share with each other, than it was to watch every bit of content in the course.

What connections can you make this Lent?  Can you commit to contacting people to let them know you’re thinking about them?  Making sure they know that they’re known and seen and loved?

FAMILY DEVOTIONALS

The We Wonder Podcast – lovely quiet family time opportunities where family members can bring a page to doodle on or playdough to squish and then listen and wonder together for 12 – 15 minutes.

God’s Big Easter Story   . . . a Holy Week Journey for families from DWELL

This 8 day devotional for families comes as a simple resource with a daily routine of:

1. Breathing
2. Reading the Scripture
3. Wondering Questions about the Scripture
4. Praying together

During your family time, you can cut out symbols for each day and add them to a journey through Holy Week trail they have provided (you have the option of either pre- coloured colouring them in yourself.)

The Children’s Ministry Network have produced an excellent resource called Make Yourself at Home. It’s a tool kit to help parishes think about how they welcome children and their families into church and what small changes they can make to improve on where they are at.

Check out this video that shows you how the resource works! https://youtu.be/cg9A12Xh1hU

As is stressed in the video, this is not a finger pointing activity, rather it asks people to take stock of all the things they are doing to welcome children and their families and to celebrate them, and then to see what steps they can take to be even more welcoming.  We want families of all different shapes and sizes to feel loved, welcomed, included and be able to participate in the life of the church.

As each church is different this is not a one size fits all approach but a process for a small team to get together and work through.

The resource comes in a nifty box full of step by step guides and little creative prompts to get the ideas flowing.  If you would like a hard copy of the resources please contact any member of the Children’s Ministry Network.

Lets get started is the first part of the process. Have a read and see what next steps your team needs to take.

First impressions count and being made to feel welcome makes a great first impression. The Children’s Ministry Network has come up with a list of Top Tips to welcome adults and children alike to church. These are simple suggestions that anyone can do to make sure people feel at home from the very outset. We hope you find them useful.

The Audit Cards are at the heart of the process.  They allow you think about what is currently happening in your parish and what potentially could happen. Take some time to audit and be sure to look at the positives as well as what may need to be adapted.

Make Yourself at Home encourages parishes to observe what they are doing, audit what works, acknowledge what can be improved and then act to make the Church a more welcoming place.  Audir, acknowledge, act.  To kick start some ideas we have put together some Try Me Cards. These cards are colour coded ideas to coincide with the different areas from the audit cards – people, services, facilities.

We have also included Top 21 Ideas for you to have a look at. These can be a starting point and it is in no way an exhaustive list.

All of these and more are available in the Make Yourself at Home pack.  Members of the team are available to meet with you at diocesan or parish level to go through the pack and to help get you started on your Make Yourself at Home journey.

The pack contains step by step guides as to how to audit, acknowledge and act by looking through fresh eyes at the parish in terms of its Facilities, its Services, its Activities and its People.  It also provides lots of Top Tips and some more detailed examples of ways to implement effective change.

If you have acquired an MYAH pack, you may wish to add your own logo or contact details to the Letter of Invitation and the Children’s questionnaire so we have provided them here as downloads:

MYAH Letter of Invitation

Children’s Questionnaire

When you gather a team of people to begin the initial programme, it may be helpful to use this great MYAH video as you open and explore your pack together:

We will be adding more resources here, as we get feedback from parishes about what would be useful in conjunction with the MYAH packs.  So please do get in touch and share your experiences with us.

Children’s Ministry Advent and Christmas Newsletter 2018